why can't it be me?

This is what I am always feeling. I keep waiting for him. I don't even f*cking know what to do now. I keep on waiting for him BUT I haven't told him I have these feelings. I'm hating this. I'm such a coward. I told him I only liked him. But at that time, I DID ONLY LIKE HIM. And now, it's different. I'm tired of waiting but I just can't stop. He's my everything. He's the person that I do want to see every minute of my day. His smile, his eyes. I want to see that. But our distance...OMG. I'm in love with a stranger.

And sad to say, it hurts.

ouch.

Hay. This blog title is ouch because I keep biting my lip. It starts to hurt but then I can't stop. I'm weird. SO anyway, I was feeling dizzy kanina. Turns out I'm hungry again. I'm hypoglacemic kasi. Not severe.

I was searching on the phobia list. And I found out that I have these:
•Eremophobia-fear of loneliness.
[i do.]
•Altophobia-fear of heights.
•Anupthophobia-fear of staying single
[I want to get married and have kids naman.]

What can I do to make you love me?Ü

when will it be me?

Lovers. They make me smile. Hah. Probably because I won't get to experience this yet. Again, when will it be me? I'm loving right now but I can't tell him. I can't say a thing because it's impossible that he loves me too. I just hate myself. You want to know why? I am scared to tell him how I feel. And if I do tell him and he reciprocates the feelings that I have for him, he's not here. He won't ever be with me. :c The only happiness that I am feeling right now is my love for him. When will it be me?

When will it be time to move on? But to you, my t13, I'll move on BUT I'll do it slowly so you can still CHASE me. And I hope you do.

I love you so much that it PHYSICALLY hurts.

do's and don'ts of fashion

This is totally like Ned's Declassified Guide to whatever.[Gomen. I don't watch the show.] Ok. Ok. That's not about fashion. But, mind you. I did some firsthand research for this. Please follow if you don't want to be embarassed. Unless you have a unique style. Acceptable.



Let's start off with:

♥accents or accessories

1. Do layer multiple necklaces for a modern look.[picbelow.]

2. DO pair a chunky necklace with a feminine top. 3. Necklace or tie? This is definitely a DON'T. 4. Bright blue adds to punch to basic black--DO.
5. DON'T carry a bag that's bigger than your skirt![seriously. do you wanna drown?]

href="http://www.glamour.com/images/dosdonts/2006/10/23/dosl06_accents.jpg">

That's all for the accents.

♥shoes.[I love this topic. I love shoes.]

1.Do wake up a plain outfit with a patterned heel. 2.Don’t wear your walking shoes with ankle socks! 3.Not only do kitten heels make legs look slimmer, but you can walk in them too. Do! [i love these shoes. wah. want to buy these.] 4. Socks for evening? You got it—a Don’t. [seriously. this is so EEW.]5. Do punch up dark jeans with bright red boots. [i love the boots.] 6. Skinny jeans with stiletto-heel boots are a sexy Do. [might try that one.] That's all. Whew. There's more to come.

Anyway, I am drinking coffee again. haha. Wondering where my blog title came from? --as addictive as caffeine? I am in love so it shows that I am addicted to HIM. He is as addictive as caffeine. And FYI, you, gay pretending to be a guy, THAT'S NOT YOU. DREAM ON.

Toodles. Special thanks to Glamour. They're my source.

blah.

This is just an entry because I'm oh-so-amazed with the layout of my blog. Wooo. So anyway, I'll be doing our geometry project today and that's cool, I think. I have a new comment box by the way so y'all can post your comments now.

If they are hate comments, that's fine. I don't really care. Post it anyway.

Anton and I fought. I mean, we are still not speaking to each other. My gosh. I just get mad at him because he wasn't behaving and now he goes crying and not speaking to me. Hay. Kids.

That's all for now.
I'm out.

you know it.

A GET-TO-KNOW-MORE-BOUT-ME.
Rules: Just answer. No blanks. And you should explain why.
1. 1 trait people usually don't know about you is...?
-I am lazy. It's true. Or maybe you know that. haha.

2. Have you ever had a crush on a saleslady/salesman?
-Uhh. Hell yeah. One at Congo Grille. Couldn't stop looking at him. He's HOT. :]]

3. Do you believe that first love never dies?
- Nope. It'll die but it'll have a special place in your heart.

4. Trait you like in a guy/gal is?
-handsome. kidding. well, maybe yeah. the main thing is he's kind hearted.

5. Name you want for your first daughter and son....
-daughtie:Jessica. It's cool. son:josh. sounds like the name of a jock.

6. If you were to be reincarnate... pick 1 among the local stars! wooohoo!
-why local? hmppp. I'd pick uhmmm, KC Concepcion. She has an immaculate face.

7.and lastly...............Share a quotation that motivates and inspire you.
-You know you don't have to be drunk to kiss me. Kidding. this:
"Love is like the dicovery of fire."

I'm tagging people who are bored. :]]

some kind of interrogation.

Interrogations. I just went through it awhile ago. Ok, I was expecting my tita to come on over. She texted me awhile ago. But, sadly, what I did not expect was them staying a bit longer and then, starting to blurt out questions at me. SO basically, the conversations went like this:

Tita:Ang kalat naman ng bahay.
Moi:Naglalaro po kasi si Anton.[bro ko.]
Tita:(fiddles with my BIO project)Nasaan ako dito?
Moi:Nandyan po kayo sa right side.
Tita:E, bakit kami lang? Nasaan na yung iba?
Moi:Selcted few lang naman daw po kailangan.
Tita:Anong ginagawa mo? nagffriendster ka ba?
Moi:Hindi na po. Nagcheck na po kasi ako kanina.
Tita:Patingin nga.
Moi:Ayan po.
Tita:May friendster na pala kayo. Sino naman yang mga yan?[points to commentors]
Moi:classmates ko lang po.
Tito:Patingin nga ng yahoo messenger mo. Marami ka na sigurong kachat. Tinatago mo.
Moi:Wala po. Classmates ko lang yan.

hay. I was so relieved when they finally did get out of the house. Such exasperation.

stupid.

It has definitely been a good day. Starting off, I am at HEX again. I'm playing again. But it does get boring there. No classes yet. I hope I do advance to 2nd year. haha. I found out loads of things on Harry Potter and that made me feel good. But. What didn't make me feel good is that my own bestfriend wouldn't tell me about his lovelife. I mean, he has shared his lovelife to me openly. But now, NO?! Besides, I can already guess that younger batch. Now if you're reading this, I don't know. You're just scared to tell me.

HATERS. again.
They never do stop, do they? ok.ok. He's been going about, telling people that I'm head over heels in love with him. WHICH IS SO NOT TRUE. First of all, this is for the people who know me, WOULD I EVER HAVE A CRUSH ON SUCH AN EGOMANIAC? or WOULD I HAVE A CRUSH ON SOME KNOW-IT ALL? or WOULD I EVER EVER HAVE A CRUSH ON A GAY MAN? My gawd. I don't think so. Now, we were supposed to talk last Wednesday and I was about to punch him in the face and he didn't show up. AT ALL. Lucky bastard. He'll have moments to cherish. But it won't be for long. And the irony of life? I HATE HIM TOO. So now, the feeling's mutual. haha.

BITCHES
I never did warn you for the foul language that I was going to use, so here it is:
THIS POST CONTAINS FOUL LANGUAGE...bloody blah blah.

so there.

As for the bitches, hmm. Let me start of with Bitch no.1
Bitch no. 1 is young. She is pretty yet naive. Or so you think. She is so not. She is a growing flirt. I know right? You know,too. So stop it. You're just like your--

'Nuff said.

Bitch no. 2
Bitch no.2. I wouldn't say much about her. People know about her already. Hmm. Let's see you guess that one.

Bitch no. 3
Oh, I'd tell you this bitch was my friend. But then, she played with the heart of my friend which I really didn't know the story 'till now and.. now I'm furious with her. Plus she's making a collage of Jun's pictures and her's together. Eew. Plus, she wants a chinito. Why didn't she just tell my friend off before they came together? She is so rude and insensitive.

There's a long list of that. But I'd much rather tell them in person, although I'm not sure about Bitch 1. She's sensitive. And besides, she'd already know I'm mad at her on the account I'm mad at her--

'Nuff said. again.

4 DAY VACATION.NOT.
This is so not a 4-day vacation. Projects to do, papers to pass. I never did get rest. Grr. Ok.Ok. Maybe I did. But it's still not a vacation. you agree, Augustinians?

So anyway, I apologize if this entry was full of hate and everything. This is the only way I could let it out. So after writing this entry, I'm healed again. This has such a therapeutic effect.

Toodles.

lots has happened.

When was my last post? I cannot effin believe I have not posted here yet. I have some kind of sickness kasi. It's called KATAMS. short for Katamaran. My gosh, projects here, projects there, projects everywhere. Gawd. It is so exhausting. I finally got the Harry Potter final book lat July 23 and finished it on July 25. It was so cool. haha. I loved the ending.

ARIELLE'S BIRTHDAY

We had loads of fun yesterday. Classes were cut off at 12 and so we went to Arielle's house to celebrate her birthday. It was so so cool. We spent 30 minutes camwhoring.PICS HAHA. Then when it was just a few of us, we played KING KANG KONG. haha. It was so cool.

We have no classes today and tomorrow for that departmental thingy. Cool,ayt? Well, not for us. Teachers flooded us with projects. BLOOODDDYYY BLAAAAAAHHHH.

By the way, Imma read Harry Potter again. I love it so much. haha.

Bye for now.

omg. the truth.[you sure?]

I cannot bear to even say this here but since you are my oh-so-beloved blog, I will still state this. HE FEELS THAT I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM AND I DESPERATELY WANT HIM. OMG. How could you say that, you fcuking asshole. You don't have any right to say that nor do you have the right to correct me of my grammar when you can't even correct your own. Please. If you want to mess with me, make sure you do it alone. I mean, it's terribly embarrasing naman if you get allies and you're a GUY.[or are you?] hah. Besides, I am gonna kick your ass. But I'm still holding on that thought. I could get a suspension but then again, to see me kicking your ass is sheer JOY. Don'cha think?

hay. Anyway, don't be disturbed by my shoutout. It's not for you. And I definitely don't miss my past. I miss my present and that's not you. Dream on.

new book.

Finished reading Sophie Kinsella's Can You Keep a Secret? I love it. It was original and I believe I'll be reading it once again. haha. I loved Emma Corrigan's character. She is unique and funny. I loved Jack Harper, too. yey.

Anyway, that was all. Looking forward to reading another book, HARRY POTTER! wee. sige sige.

SO WHAT?

First of all, I'd like to commend Ms. Tyra Banks' movement called "SO WHAT?". It was inspiring to many girls and young women out there including myself. I was so happy that she started this movement to prevent all those anorexics, bulimics and the like to torture their bodies. After all, our body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. Therefore, we should always take care of it. So I'm off to saying these things and HELL I CARE IF YOU EVEN REACT NEGATIVELY ABOUT THIS because SO WHAT?!

•I have glasses and braces and you could mistake me for Ugly Betty. BUT HELL. SO WHAT?!
•I can become clueless in all aspects, but hell. SO WHAT?!
•I am bitchy and don't play games. HELL. SO WHAT?!
•I am fragile and a crybaby at times. HELL. SO WHAT?!
•I am called a flirt, a bitch and a GRAMMARIAN. HELL. LIKE I CARE. THOSE ARE SO NOT TRUE. THAT'S WHY, SO WHAT?!

Eat those words, fcuking haters. I know I can never be insecure of other people that's why I'll never be a bully. I have friends who I can count on, I have a family that's all good to me, and I'm in love with a guy 4 years older than me. SO WHAT?! I don't give a damn about the oh-so-bitchy things you say about me. I won't fight with you. HELL. I'm not the INSECURE ONE, am I? So that's that for those GMs you sent me, you fcuking haters. Because you know what,
HATING ME WON'T MAKE YOU SMARTER. Eat that.

Enough of that. I'm just so proud of myself that I didn't answer personally back to those haters. They'll hate me more for what I've done on this blog because I'm not affected by those things they're saying. And to think, the bitch is a GUY. Oh c'mon. get over your identity crisis and tell me that you're just insecure. But I'll be kind and stop this na.

I watched Harry Potter awhile ago and I was kinda disappointed with the movie. The Order Of The Phoenix IS supposed to be exciting. They made it boring with the slow phasing and everything. AND, Ron's so waaaaaayyyyy HOTTER that Harry, don'cha think? I would like to say that Hermione Granger's getting prettier in every movie. That's cool. But I loved the fight scenes in the Ministry of Magic BUT they so cut out the prophecy made by Prof. Trelawney which was a vital part to that prophecy thingy, right? But that's that. So I'd still like to congratulate them for a good job.

I bought yet another book. It's entitled Can You Keep A Secret?. I've been wanting that book for 2 years now and I, JANINE, finally have it. Plus I got this über-cute bookmark from Powerbooks too. I'll finish my book review next week because it's due next Friday. Wee. I'm almost there. haha.

I'll update my story na. So I'll be leaving you, my dear blog. Ciao.

P.S. I can't find my comments box so kindly just post your comments on the cbox. If it's a hate comment, post it there too. LIKE I CARE. SO WHAT?!

know it alls.

I hate know it alls. They feel like they're God's gift to everybody and they feel like they can do anything. Right? As if. OMG. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. I don't care if you're stabbing me in the back. Don't care because you are such a coward. And puhhhleeaasse. You feel like you're gonna get that spot. You're just so sure of yourself. You coward.

Fall Out Boy's going to have a concert on Sept.21. HERE! Yes, here. I want to go because it is Fall Out Boy after all. I love them. WAAAHHH. I love PETE. I just wish someone would go with me. I am so going there. Araneta naman e. I'm so so so READY FOR YOU PETE! Saving my money and my cameras for those pics of Pete. Hayyyyy.

Ciao.

monthly test and all that ****

Our monthly test is OVER. For Computer. It was about that touch typing thing. I have 5 mistakes. But that's so okay. Don't really care. I'm here in the Comp. Lab just minding my own business and writing in this blog. Yesterday, I didn't find the time to update here because I was tired and I fell asleep while reading Suzanne's Diary To Nicholas. Lo and behold! I finished it in one day. I stayed up until 12 am just watching Cowbelles. I haven't watched the whole movie. I still couldn't sleep so I just texted gm's. Forgive me for the disturbances on your cellphones last night. Hardy har.

I was so right about the PMS thing because now, it's here. So I'm just happy that I haven't contracted any diseases and God, I'm not pregnant. Kidding. I want to be married before I do it. RIGHT?

not well.

Not feeling well. I am PMS-ing, I think. I have a bloated stomach, chronic headaches and those stuff. I'm now searching more syptoms of PMS since I feel like I have.

Here yah go:
•Group A
Depressed mood, feelings of hopelessness
Anxiety, tension
Sudden and dramatic mood swings
Anger, irritability

•Group B
Decreased interest in usual activities
Difficulty in concentrating
Fatigue, lack of energy
Change of appetite, overeating, food cravings
Sleep disturbances
Sense of being overwhelmed
Physical symptoms such as breast tenderness or swelling, headaches, joint or muscle aches, bloating, weight gain


I have a fcuking bloated stomach. I am craving for food. I just ate chocolate, 2 spuds. Waaah. And forgive me if I do experience irritability. I hate this.

Grr.

tags.

Here are the rules of this meme: Each player starts with 7 random facts about themselves on their Blog. People who are tagged need to blog 7 facts about themselves and post the rules as well. At the end of their blog list 7 people you are tagging. Let them know that they are tagged by leaving them a comment.So here goes the 7 Random Things about j9.


•I am bitchy.[I do what I want to do.]

•I love chocolate. That is so a fact.

•I am a camwhore. You may not notice, but I really am.

•I believe I am lazy.[Yes, that's true.]

•I am a BOOKWORM.[is this a surprise?]

•I love sleeping with 3-4 pillows.[it's comfy.]

•I love watching Japanese dramas.Ü

*boan
*arnold
*anj
*nica
*pat
*hanna
*sean

this is hard.

3rd year is so fcuking hard. We have a cookfest tomorrow and we just finished that kalabasa soup. I have to say, it was yummy. Works of Hanna and I. So I was browsing the net and I saw that Nica's Ate Aion is getting married. Congrats. That is so so nice.

Back to that 3rd year thing, I've done the fcuking assignment in Geom so no worries about that. No need to study for the AA quiz 'coz I get it. I haven't done the Chem homework. I just hate it. I'll be doing it later anyway and I'll be practicing keyboard typing. I'm getting real good at it.

Tomorrow is July 10 which means HAPPY BIRTHDAY ARNOLD! Good luck with tomorrow. May instant handaan ka na.

Anyway, I am signing out because I haven't done a single thing on the homework. Bye.

protect. destroy.

So now you're probably guessing if I watched Transformers na. Yes, I finally did. loovvvveddd it. It was so cute and cool. I loved it talaga. The protagonist was Even Stevens, right? He's so handsome now and a real good actor. He is also in Disturbia. I loved Transformers even if it was about alien stuff. It had a story. I thought I was going to fall asleep but thankfully, NO. I loved it instead.

BE ANONYMOUS OR BE FAMOUS.
What is wrong with being anonymous? I ask you. People in the showbiz industry today feel like getting known is the thing to do for survival. OH COME ON. That's stupid and shallow. I don't want to be famous. There are people who do and don't. SO why post the fugly billboard when peoply don't want to see it? It's everywhere. I mean, what kind of person would get the urge to sign up for that fugly contest or search when the tagline is simply EEW. But I have to comment on Kris' picture in the billboard. She looked wayyyyyy HOT. Same goes for Piolo. I swear, in that picture, you're not gay to me. Haha.

So anyway, on that tagline, I'd rather be anonymous. Why? First of all, being famous is glamorous BUT intricate. I mean, being famous, you'd have to report every fcuking thing that's going on in your life. Lack of privacy. And wherever you go, people will huddle up to you to get an autograph when you just want to buy a coffee and get the hell out of there. It may be fun in some cases, yet I find it hard. So I'll rather be an ANONYMOUS STAR.

OLD FRIENDS
I commented on Jay-ann's page yesterday and she hit me back. It was nice getting to chat with her even though she's different now. She may not be the Jay-ann I used to know. The shy,sakitin,friendly girl who never eats anything for lunch. She's popular now and known as Carrie. She has lots of friends when in grade 3, I refused to be her friend. This is so true. You have to ask her. So the story is, she started to be my friend in Grade 3. We were classmates then in 3-Sultan Kudarat. Then, I told her I couldn't be her friend anymore because she was maarte. I am such a bitch. So she went with Marion and I went with Chlerisse and Arielle. I had fun with them that year but we grew apart in the 4th grade. In the 4th grade, I was friends with Melody. Jay-ann was my classmate too but she was hanging out with Gellie, Julienne and you know, the POPULAR GIRLS. But eventually, we hung out again and she changed a bit. But then, I went back to Manila and now I hear, she's popular again. It makes me think that she went back to the way she was in Grade 3.

I won't comment about the uprising catfighting in our room. It's just plain stupidity admitting you're a flirt. But then again, I won't meddle with you guys. It's your bitchin fight.

I have to go. My effin eyes are tired and I've posted an entry enough for a lifetime. Kidding.

walk the talk.

I believe I am now OKAY. I have been doing well since whenever that fcuking day was and although I may not be happy and loved by the person who loves me, I am still happy.

I went to my cousin's baptism today. WELCOME TO THE CHRISTIAN WORLD ALIANA JOELLE! She's a pretty chap. Haha. She's fair like her ate Alyssa. I am happy. I saw my favorite tito today and good news did he bring. His wife, Tita Moleth is expecting a child! She's three months pregnant and I'm happy. Another child in our family. Yey.

I also went to Makati today. I had the adjustment of my braces. It's now orange. Pretty. I bought a bag and a book again. I'm reading three books at the moment. Not one of them I finished. I can't stop. Haha. I want to read. That's why I'm ending this post with this:

Walk the talk. Fit you character with the things you're saying. It's ironic if you don't. :

he's still unreachable.

I admit that I made a poem for him. I was thinking about him all day yesterday and I just came up with an idea to write him a poem. So here it is:

I LOVED AND THAT'S ENOUGH

Watching as the sun goes down

I ponder about the good memories

You were everything I wanted

Yet you left me broken and fragile.

I am not bitter about things you said

Nor the things you have yet to say

I loved you and always will

Though I know you can never love me back.

I fell in love and you can't stop me

LOVING YOU MAKES ME HAPPY

But even with the tears on my eyes,

I never wonder why you can't love me back.

There may be a time that I regret this

I cry, I bleed and I know I'm hurting

Yet I remember those eyes

And I stop and know you're enough.

I may never get to meet you

Never get to see that radiant smile of yours

Never feel the warmth of your hand

BUT LOVING YOU IS ENOUGH.

who do you think you are?

First of all, I would just like to say that this entry is full of ire. I SWEAR. I felt this awhile ago in only 2[was it 3?] persons and I couldn't help but express my feelings here. I don't usually do this anymore but with the situation now, I just can't help it.

I HATE YOU.

I hate you. Yes I do. You are a judgmental egomaniac and indeed, I hate you. My lack of patience with you has expired. YOU are disgusting. Who the hell gave you the right to claim yourself as someone who's apparently good enough? YOU'RE NOT. Besides, you are judging my friends when you are an ASSHOLE? WHO THE HELL GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO JUDGE MY FRIENDS? You don't even know them. I just hate you and if you know who you are. Get your fcuking face out of my life because I hate you. That's why I'm not bothering to talk to you. I DO HATE YOU. EVERY INCH OF THAT DISGUSTING FACE.

That's all for now. I had my revenge. Hardy har.

I'll quote Ate Niknok here. Love this quote.

"Forget forgiving. Just forget."

I won't say NO to your apologies yet I won't say YES too. I know you can't do it. You have no more hope.

kalokohan. :]]

Boo. I'm bored. I haven't done the assignment thingy in Chem so maybe later. I'm really lazy today. I'm now reading another Nicholas Sparks' novel, "The Notebook". Yey. I finished Prep in 3 days. Yey. That's with distractions. I have to finish 2 books still. Hardy har.

Blah. Blah. Blah.

Just dropped by to say that.

blah. blah. blah.

Conditioning exercises tomorrow. Good luck to my groupmates. Yey. Loves you guys.

Anyway, I am not happy because HE went online AGAIN. And no luck to that e-mail. Maybe I'll just have to move on although I don't want to. I really do like?or love? HIM. But what the hell. There's nothing I can do about that. It's just the way i feel. 0_o. Waaah.

I'm going. I just dropped by. Ciao.

blah.

I have to admit that this is a depressing day.[so what the hell is this color for?] Hardy har. I am feeling much better now after getting kicked out[yes. we got booted out of the choir.] by the nasty moderator. It's alright though. I'm still happy that I auditioned but I wished that they'd have said that earlier so it wouldn't hurt as much. Yet, no one can kill my personality. So, after that ugly moment, we just went to Mcdo. I went there to ease my sorrows. So now, they're gone!♥

Hay. My dad says, it's their loss. That's good enough for me. Hear that Arnold? We're good.

No need to be depressed anymore 'coz I'll be a singer, you'll see.

[daydreaming]

the corpse bride.

What can I say about this movie? I loved it. True, it was short, right? But it was so worth it. I loved the corpse bride. It was funny and cute. And I cried again. Grr. I hate this. Haha.

LOVED IT. lalo na yung mukha ng corpse bride. haha. love it.

I am proud to say na wala na akong homework. And my mom and dad are currently editing my "Talambuhay". Hay. I am so stupid in Filipino grammar. I swear. I want to improve yet...

Wala e. haha.

I walked in the rain kanina. Yiee.

loves.

last night.

I cannot believe last night. I stayed up until 1 am? Or was it almost 2 am? I was watching the Big Night and guess what? It's the first time that I watched the Big Night. It was cute. Especially that cute skit they performed about the Big 4. Funny. Anyway, while they were showing their long commercials, I was reading yet again, a new book entitled RobandSara.com. It was a little boring but in the end it was okay. I wan to know what happened though. GRR. Anyway, I finished that book and the Big Night,too. So now, I have nothing to read. I am sad.

But, Boan's lending me "Prep", right? So I'll have something to read again. But, boohoo. I haven't even finished the homework in Chem. I am so lazy, right? The hell I care.

There's still the Himnayon tomorrow. Yipee. Imma bring my cam so we could picture-picture,guys! Muahx. :]]