The Artist
normally called janine by my close friends and schoolmates. belle by online friends and abbi by my family. :) Sweet 16. A lover of the arts, I know a thing or two about fashion, but stick to the classic tee-jeans-flipflops outfit. Been blogging for 2 years. :) Enjoy. But keep your shitty comments to yourselves.
Rants
![]() Staring at the ceiling, making friends with shadows on my wall.
You know you love me
Memories
May 2007
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July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
April 2008
May 2008
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August 2008
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November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
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November 2009
Something Better to Do
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I'm a DAVID COOK fan
AWARD
![]() Applause
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updated on: Sunday, November 8|8.11.09
i'm okay
I realized that with my past posts that I'm making people worry. Don't worry I am fine. I 'm just going through something confusing this past few weeks and now, I guess I feel better.
Christmas is coming so I'm posting my new wishlist for Christmas. ![]() xoxo, ![]() |
updated on: Monday, October 26|26.10.09
emotional baggage
Yes, I am not fine. I've decided that the first few days of sem break was a good thing for me. It made me get away from the one thing that's been bothering me these past few days. I couldn't stop myself from wondering if my feelings were genuine, or was I merely allowing myself go with the flow of it all just because I loved the drama? My mind's split and in my head are illusions of what could be, what might be and what is not. There are reasons why I chose to feel like this, and although a lot of people may stop me, I can't help it. Bang my head on the wall, I still wouldn't stop. Beneath this silly façade, is my heart in the open, vulnerable as a fish out of water. Strip me of this, you will see me struggling to survive. That's how it is.
I wish I could say all this, instead of piling it up. I wish I could speak the words I've been longing to say. I wish I could stop pretending. I wish I could make you happy. Just for a while. If only for a while. What if I keep holding on to you? Would you keep me safe? Would I still be safe if I hold on? Or would you break away and then let me fall? Please let me decide and stop my nonsense. xoxo, ![]() |
updated on: Friday, October 23|23.10.09
Every time
Every time I step out, take a glimpse of the sky, I remember you. Every step that I take, every road that I walk on, I remember you. Every cloud, every color, every raindrop, I remember you.
Every time I ride a vehicle, I think of you. Every key that I type, I think of you. Every eye that I meet, I think of you. Every waking moment of the day, I think of you. Every time you smile, I hold on. Every time your eyes look at mine, I smile. Every time you hug me tight, my heart jumps. Every time you stand next to me, my insides tingle. How could I feel something that I know is strong and will eventually break me down? Every time I think of you, do you think of me too? xoxo, ![]() |
updated on: Thursday, October 15|15.10.09
Facade
I'm keeping something from you. I'm hiding something from all of you. You don't know it, nor will you ever know it. There is something inside of me that is slowly hurting me, killing me, eventually destroying my inner self albeit I like the feeling. I like feeling this way amongst other things. When can I finally stop enjoying feelings that will be my ultimate destruction?
Would it be effective if I just slash my wrists and never look the same again? Would that lessen the pain a bit? Stop me. I don't know what to do. xoxo, ![]() |
updated on: Sunday, October 11|11.10.09
If only ![]() If only I could keep you, your heart safe in my hands If only If only I could stop acting, pretending that I'm not hurt I don't have to want you, but I do. Would you hold my heart if I gave it to you? If only you could keep my gift. You don't want to. But I keep hoping, praying that someday you will. If only. xoxo, ![]() | |