Sunday, July 31

another final attempt to save the fish

To speak is to mean risking the strength I've gathered
To let those words out of my mouth is to mean putting my heart in your hands
To speak is to mean opening up my soul to you
To let those words out of my mouth is to mean hearing your answer.

These words are probably the hardest ones that will come out from my mouth
Harder than supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
or pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis
These words that I haven't said in quite a long time
Means having to thresh out every sad memory.

To confess my love for you means saving a fish, no matter how injured it is.

on this rainy night

*opens umbrella*

The rain is falling quite hard tonight. As you watch your steps, you wonder when this rain is going to stop. And yet, you keep wondering and do not even bother to look for shelter. You try to enjoy every step, every sight, every different person you see. 

It's just not the same.

Your hand feels the empty void. You think to yourself, "there's no one there."

You are alone.

Next scene.

You are alone in a taxi cab and the rain is still pouring. You can't see quite clearly the plate number of the cab so you could inform anyone that you might be in danger, just in case. But, you remember...

You are alone.

Your fingertips ache for the electric feeling of touching another person's fingertips.

Your lips hunger for the breathtaking kiss of another.

Your body yearns for the warmth only another body can offer and not even a blanket can fill.

On this rainy night,you are alone.

Monday, July 25

the joy of not knowing

The lights are turned on..
Sound is everywhere.
But it is only you that I see, that I hear, that I feel.
It just doesn't add up anymore.

I stepped outside your world.
And you didn't even bother to call me back.
But now that I'm back,
It isn't quite the same.

You laugh and I wish your voice magically stopped.
You look at me and I wish your eyes would feel
Feel me. Feel what my eyes are trying to tell you.
You do not know. You do not know anything.

Monday, July 18

what street?

I decided to walk today.

The street, full of people and not-so-familiar faces, isn't the same as it used to be. Wasn't it the same street where you walked me home? Or the same street where you made me laugh? Was it the same street that you hurt me, without meaning to?

And yet, as I walked along that same street, I felt everything had changed. The way I walked now on this street was different. And no, I no longer look at the restaurants where we ate. I don't go out torturing myself on remembering what happened in that table. And no, I don't look at your place anymore just in case you might happen to come out. I still do remember you. Your laugh, your adorable t-shirts, your lean body which would instantly take away every bad feeling I had, you were my everything.

And yet, I was nothing.

I'm walking alone on this street. I guess that wasn't the change.

Saturday, July 16

An unexpected e-mail

I was quite shocked when I read this e-mail. This was a year ago and I am quite happy with the state that I am in now.
I'm not with him, however I feel like I made a good decision and that was to move on with my life. And I am glad that I turned out to be the person I wanted to be.

So much for 2010.

The following is an e-mail from the past, sent through
It was composed on Thursday, July 15, 2010, to be sent on Friday, July 15, 2011: 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear FutureMe, 

I hope you made the right decisions. By that time, either you've fallen out of love and have someone else or you're with him. You better make a good decision. I'm begging you.

I hope by that time, you don't feel so inferior anymore and you feel beautiful inside and out. Someone will love you for what you are and what you believe in. It just takes time.

I hope you are the person you wanted to be.

Saturday, July 9


I wrote this a really long time ago...but the feelings are the same as I'm typing it.

Feet entangled in this dance
Knees shaking but slightly confident
Do I enter the room or not?
Battle in my head again, two brave soldiers.

The years are passing
I am still the same
No changes, nothing
I am still in that battle, two brave soldiers.

Soldiers who cannot take the leap
Soldiers who cannot take the risk
Soldier, you cannot do anything
You will stay here and...

Who knows?
Because you are still in that battle.

Monday, July 4


Apparently, I'm not that comfortable with change yet. :(