Friday, October 31

How can you say goodbye?

I apologize if you find this sentimental or lonely at all, and so not me.

Freakishly weird and confused. Feelings that have been going through my veins for quite some time now. Nobody knows, of course. Tell me reasons why I can't rest and why I keep thinking about this. I wasn't aware that it was happening and I already forgot the feeling, remember?

How is anybody supposed to know when it happens?

This is why I have to say goodbye, to do it faster so the pain doesn't sting so much. I know I have to speak those words but I am scared. I know at some point, the hurt of goodbye would erase my illusion of it being easy. Nothing scares me more than saying those words.

So I'm not saying it. I'll simply drift away.... leaving you nonexistent. I'll try to get on with life, believing it will be so much better without you. You won't even know I was gone, right? Just like all that has been happening. I've been stepped on, allowing you to have it all. My heart is in a cage and like a stray, it needs feeding but you always forget. I've decided to break free and go astray. Though it pains me not to have comfort and a home, it'll be better for us both. We've gone through a lot, we've laughed our laughs, and laughed our cries. I've told you everything but felt like you told me nothing. You will always have this special place in my heart. You will always be something for me. I may say I don't believe in you, but you know in my heart I do. No matter what they say, I always thought you and I remained best friends until the end. But I have to let go because it feels like I'm the only one holding on.

Slowly and painfully, I'll forget the friendship we've had. If I keep it, love will tear us apart.