Saturday, April 12
a letter to you
You have been in my mind for a long time ever since we fell apart. I never thought you would leave, I never thought you would hurt me like this, I guess I didn't think at all. How do I even begin to explain yearning for you? How do I even say that I still want you, every single day? Or that it doesn't matter how much you hurt me, I know we can still work it out?
I'm sorry that I can't even begin to say this, because I can't. I don't want to yearn for you anymore. I don't want to want you, every single day. In fact, I don't want to want you at all. I don't want you to hurt me, and I know that we can't work it out.
I always thought I was the person who could save you, who could fill your gaps, who could heal your heart, and most especially, I thought I was the last person who could make you feel complete. I wanted you to become a better person, to change, mostly. I didn't think at all. How could someone like me ever hope to save you when you don't want to be redeemed?
I am not yet tired of longing for you, but eventually I will. And when the day comes, I won't be here to save you. Nor will I hope to save you. It's now or never.