Wednesday, May 4

I'm sorry, lost friend

Tonight, I finally realized the gravity of our situation. I could probably look you in the eyes now and not see our "future" unlike before when it was oh so visible and all I wanted to see in your eyes.There are tears in my eyes and no, it's not because you don't love me or ever will for that matter, but that nothing will ever be the same again. I have almost cut my connection to you and you have done so a long time ago.

Tonight, I finally realized that the water from my eyes didn't originate from the rejection, but rather the loss of a good friendship (on most days, anyway). I am not going to lie that I miss you a heck of a lot, but somehow my feelings for you have changed. More than anything else, I don't know why I'm quite saddened by this change when I am supposed to be rejoicing about it. Finally, I could imagine life without having to think about what I should say to you so I don't sound stupid or thinking of ways for you to notice me. But... why do I feel this way? I am pretty sure that my feelings for you are dying down and it seems to me that the little thread which seems to be holding my connection to you (rather thin) is about to give up. And I'm desperately trying to hold on and at the same time trying to let it go.

So here you go, you'll probably find out soon. It's today, enjoy it even if I'm not going to be part of it anymore in your life. Say all the sweet things to people which you never said to me. Love the people who aren't me, I know you will. And yes, I am quite happy to see you elated.

I'm sorry, soon to be lost friend.

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