Friday, December 3

Quick Updates on my Life

I am stuck at home, the ironies of it all, starting with me thinking that I shouldn't go home to Laguna because I needed to do a lot of stuff and now, some unknown force wishes me here in Laguna, at home, doing nothing. Thank you for the rest, Lord but I need to get back on track. The reason for the 5-day rest is, I mean, was, sore eyes. And then I went to the doctor and had it checked out and voila! It was corneal ulcer, something much worse. Google it if you'd like but I most probably got it from wearing my contacts, so says my doctor. I've been isolated to another room in my 1st-4th day, then we found out I wasn't contagious. What a laugh.

Anyway, I had to rant this. I miss school and rehearsing with SIKAT. I sincerely do, I even miss Chem just because I couldn't grasp any of the concepts. I will try to study harder this week, I promise myself that.

On another note, I wished you told me to get well SOON. Or even get well at all. I was waiting and maybe that is the problem, expecting you to do something you obviously wouldn't do at all. Thank you, however, for answering my questions. You know damn well that I do that just to get your attention.
I feel like this isolation has brought me to light on issues I am facing now. First, someone pointed out that I am isolated from everyone, my family, my friends. I'm pretty sure that's true and that I just try hard to blend in because I know no other way. I like the isolation and I know I cannot live without it. I cannot write the stuff I write or take the pictures I take if I'm not alone. I like the deep thoughts I enter into and the small beautiful things I appreciate when I'm alone. Second, even if I like the lonely serene world of mine, I sometimes need to step out and stay with someone. Why? To remind me that my world isn't the only existing universe in the world and that is why I need you. I can never know how to express it fully. If you must know, I am telling you in ways of my own, through a text message or a night out, Failing to notice it is still my problem, I know however I do not know of any way to full express to you my intent: to be with you, to deeply unleash my feelings for you and to wish that you do the same. Third, I realize that through the course of time of secretly hiding my feelings for you, I will not prosper in any aspect of my life. I have said this here or in my head a million times. For once, I will try. I will try to make this happen. I will try to let go and enjoy the life I've been given, eventually looking AND finding the person whom I need to be with. I know I will find that person because I know it's not you.

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