Yes, I am not fine. I've decided that the first few days of sem break was a good thing for me. It made me get away from the one thing that's been bothering me these past few days. I couldn't stop myself from wondering if my feelings were genuine, or was I merely allowing myself go with the flow of it all just because I loved the drama? My mind's split and in my head are illusions of what could be, what might be and what is not. There are reasons why I chose to feel like this, and although a lot of people may stop me, I can't help it. Bang my head on the wall, I still wouldn't stop. Beneath this silly façade, is my heart in the open, vulnerable as a fish out of water. Strip me of this, you will see me struggling to survive. That's how it is.
I wish I could say all this, instead of piling it up. I wish I could speak the words I've been longing to say. I wish I could stop pretending. I wish I could make you happy. Just for a while.
If only for a while.
What if I keep holding on to you? Would you keep me safe?
Would I still be safe if I hold on? Or would you break away and then let me fall?
Please let me decide and stop my nonsense.