Nights

It's on nights like these-rainy, cold evenings when I wish that you were here.

These nights when I wish that we both lie in bed, laughing at nonsense things. Or your hugs from behind.
These are the nights that I wish you stroked my hair and told me you loved me. Or the nights when we'd argue and I would refuse to talk to you. Or possibly that night when you beat me in chess and I couldn't forgive you for it.

These are the nights I wish you were in my arms and I could feel you, all of you. That for just the remainder of the darkness, I wasn't alone. I was comfortable in the arms of somebody and not just anybody, somebody who was special and brought light into the darkness.

These are the nights that I would close my eyes and pray. Why, what did I ever do to deserve someone like you? And then, I open my eyes and you are there, silent and staring at me like I am the most valuable treasure on Earth.

Take me into your arms and assure me that somehow, when I look up and as I lay beside you, light will fill me up.

Because it's on nights like these that even if we're apart, you can love me.

A letter

Dear you,

In certain ways I have learned to tell myself that I am not the most emotional person ever. I have learned to conceal in the best way possible that everything I'm feeling is something normal, that you need not to worry and that I know you love me.

And most of the time, I do feel it. I just don't think I can ever compete with her.

I also know that I am trying to hurt myself by exposing myself to things that I shouldn't. I can't help it.

Also know that, even if I'm not the most romantic or sweetest person in the world (like her), I try. I try as hard as I could to make you feel that I'm invested in you. I love every part of you and you should know that I want to be enough because I can never be as sweet or as good as her. I will always be like this.

I'm not even going to think about every experience you've had with her, but I know that there will always be a special connection and I'm afraid at any time, it will spark again and everything we have will be gone with the wind. Truth be told, I am shaking. I want you to love me and every part of me and just listen to me.

Help me understand that I will be the only one, the only one who holds your heart because until then, I never know if I can ever be enough.

Janine