Monday, January 11

For a few days

She cried like no tomorrow on the night that she saw you. For a few days, she's been feeling a lot lonelier but she felt like she had to go through this stage to finally forget you. For a few days, she could feel the victory rising in her, not from the fact that she no longer saw you, but the fact that she refused to see you. For a few days, she felt like she had control over her life and she could be someone who doesn't need to impress you, to be someone worthy of you or to prove herself to you. For a few days, she was herself again, only sadder. She admits that she is going through a process where she doesn't know what to think anymore and it's eating her that she can't manipulate her life and take control of the wheel. Somehow, you just affect her in every way.

On that night that she saw you, she couldn't sleep. She kept replaying that night. She kept replaying how you looked, how you laughed, what you wore and she realized that no matter how hard she keeps pushing herself to forget you, she never does. She lay awake thinking, "Why do you have to keep manipulating my feelings?" She asked herself that question over and over again. She never found the answer.

For a few days, she thought she was over it. She laughed at how she was so lovesick and how she almost looked like a fool. That night, all of her surrendered. She is trying and she is struggling. She prays everyday for the feeling to finally run away or get lost. She realizes, of course that it is not an easy thing to do. For if it was that easy, no one would be nursing broken hearts and no one would be crying themselves to sleep.

She knows it will never happen and that is why she pushes herself to move forward. She is a strong girl. She knows she can do it. She knows one day, she'll be looking at you and not feel the same intense feeling that's binding her now.

It was good to know, that even just for a few days, the feeling was gone.

No comments: