End?

Somehow it's different. I feel enlightened, vigorous and happy. At the same time, I feel stressed, depressed and jaded.


HELP. I'm ALIVE.

innocence

She may never get to feel the pains of the world yet.
The face will still remain the same, knowing of only Mom and Dad
to cry on. Soon, she'll realize that
there are things greater than what Mom and Dad can perish.
Soon the face will change. Everything will change in her eyes.


P.S. I had fun taking pictures of my godchild/favorite cousin. HAPPY 1st birthday Ella!

so it goes on

In a weird kind of way, I am very cheerful today.
I am because I can be.
No need to ruin anything.
I will be happy.

And so explains the face.

just because it's Saturday

A big thanks to the shutting down of operations of Haloscan, my former comment box. Now, Google is my comment box. Back from the start.

TGIF?

Dig deep into the abyss
My mind is yours
Search the pit
My heart is yours

Open a cave
My secrets are yours
Look high and low in the rubble
My passion is yours

Take a deep breath
Until I can say
I cannot say
You, love are not mine.

infinity

Pain. Absence of pleasure.

Pain. Absence of you.

cake

Cake.

Moist, warm, delicious.

Everything you've ever wished for.

Everything you've ever wanted.

Yes, you can savor it.

Yes, you can take it.

Yes, smell the sweet aroma.

No, I am not your piece of cake.

And it hurts that I want you

Take all of me

Take everything

And still, I am not your piece of cake.

Circles

There was never a beginning

There will never be an ending

Pointless things are running.

This isn’t worth anything.

This won’t be worth anything for you,

But it’s everything for me.

If

If you could greet me,

I'd be smiling ear to ear.

If you could smile at me,

I'd be blushing, oh dear.

If you could look at me,

I'd be melting slowly.

If you could hold me,

I'd be smiling gently.

If I could never let you go,

I would take you in my arms

And hold you tight.

Forget what the world needs.

If you could love me,

I'd be wanting you and only you.

And I won't be drowning in ifs,

until I can't drown anymore.

true

The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person.

-Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters

For a few days

She cried like no tomorrow on the night that she saw you. For a few days, she's been feeling a lot lonelier but she felt like she had to go through this stage to finally forget you. For a few days, she could feel the victory rising in her, not from the fact that she no longer saw you, but the fact that she refused to see you. For a few days, she felt like she had control over her life and she could be someone who doesn't need to impress you, to be someone worthy of you or to prove herself to you. For a few days, she was herself again, only sadder. She admits that she is going through a process where she doesn't know what to think anymore and it's eating her that she can't manipulate her life and take control of the wheel. Somehow, you just affect her in every way.

On that night that she saw you, she couldn't sleep. She kept replaying that night. She kept replaying how you looked, how you laughed, what you wore and she realized that no matter how hard she keeps pushing herself to forget you, she never does. She lay awake thinking, "Why do you have to keep manipulating my feelings?" She asked herself that question over and over again. She never found the answer.

For a few days, she thought she was over it. She laughed at how she was so lovesick and how she almost looked like a fool. That night, all of her surrendered. She is trying and she is struggling. She prays everyday for the feeling to finally run away or get lost. She realizes, of course that it is not an easy thing to do. For if it was that easy, no one would be nursing broken hearts and no one would be crying themselves to sleep.

She knows it will never happen and that is why she pushes herself to move forward. She is a strong girl. She knows she can do it. She knows one day, she'll be looking at you and not feel the same intense feeling that's binding her now.

It was good to know, that even just for a few days, the feeling was gone.

glass

I looked away
I took cover
I hid like a child
afraid of something she knows nothing of.

I can always hide...
but you see, I can never run away.
I'm bound and locked
Locked forever.

Please let me be.
Please. Please. Let me be.

always

Buttons

Tear the tiny threads

stuck to it

You can go slowly but surely

Careful

I'll cut the ties

Try to cut slowly

I want to still hold on

Lie

I want you

I don't want to let go

But I have to.