I envy the people who spend so much time with you. I try to know you more just so I can feel closer to you. I feel so deprived of understanding you.
Every word you tell me, may it be good or bad are always stamped in my mind. IT'S UNFAIR. People tell me I shouldn't. That I should just stop the nonsense. You're a bad idea. The again, I love bad ideas. Maybe that's the reason why I can never leave you in my own world where you and I are the only inhabitants. It's too selfish, and I should know better. However, I can't stop myself.
I wish I could just say, "I think I like you." That would be lying to myself. Let me say I love you. I have never felt this way with anyone. Most of the time when I'm with you, you make me laugh. You never fail to tease me about something I do or something's wrong with my face. I always try to act cool, even though my insides are tingling. You make those cute faces when you look at me and although I pretend not to be amused, I really love looking at that face. I love the fact that I find it hard to read your personality. I love how you hug me tight as if you never want to let go. I love how you are so intelligent. I love how you know my mood. I love how you have this certain effect on me that even I can't explain. It may not show, but these are the things that I am thankful that you show me.
I wish I could match up to you so you could finally notice that I am not a child. I can surely understand you if you just let me.
I don't know the reason why you treat me differently than others. It hurts me in a way. I never know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Do you treat me differently because I'm special? Or do you treat me differently because you don't want to show me the real you? It boggles my mind and I never fail to think of you over and over again. It hurts my mind and my heart, but I don't mind the pain. I chose to love you, but I will never regret that choice. It hurts like hell when I see you hugging someone else. I will take the pain because despite the pain my love for you makes me happier than anyone I know. I've started to sing again and write poetry again. I may sound like a lovesick fool, but I don't care as long as through this I'll finally tell you how I feel. I know you will never ever learn to love me, but I love you. I love you. I love you. I could say it a million times and you could push me away a million times, but I will never falter. I love you so much my heart hurts, but I don't give a damn because loving you made me the happiest I've been in years.
Janine :)
